Please Tell Me When You're About To Slow Down
by WorkSmartNotHard
Summary: Five times Cuddy didn't change her mind and the one time she did.


**A/N: Hey guys. So this was written for the Fanfiction Challenge over at Fanpop and yeah, i became rather fond of it (as is THE NORM when it comes to all things Cuddy!) so hopefully you'll enjoy it too!**

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_5 times Cuddy didn't change her mind..._

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_#1_

"I want to be a doctor!"

Her father laughed at her, his grey eyes crinkling.

"Now now pet, that's not a suitable job for a woman,"

"Why not? It's what I want to be. I've _decided_." Twelve year old Lisa Cuddy pouted from her father's lap.

"There's still plenty of time to change your mind. How about a teacher?"

"I don't want to change my mind. I've already told you daddy. I'm going to be a doctor."

Her father just laughed again and at that moment Lisa decided with all her heart that this was what she was going to become. This was her goal. She wasn't going to change her mind. She was going to be doctor.

And the best one there was at that. For sure.

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_#2_

She's never been one for change.

Change means new beginnings and she's worked too hard to get where she is now. She doesn't _want _anything to be different.

"Lisa, are you saying no?"

Cuddy looks at Stephen. His eyes are wide; shocked, disappointed and more than just a little hurt. Her heart is twanging around in her chest but her mind is set. She can't let anything interfere with her goals. Even _love_.

"I'm sorry Stephen," she whispers and she glances at the ring he is still holding out towards her. "I…can't. I'm just about to get the job of Dean and –"

He shuts the box abruptly. "I should've known your work would always come first," he says sadly and Cuddy feels another pang shoot through her. "Is there anything else I can say to make you change your mind?"

Later when she's alone, her eyes red and puffy she somehow knows that her answer to his question would always be a "No."

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_#3_

"I can't mum, I'm sorry!" Cuddy said through the phone, simultaneously filling out some budget reports."The trip is too long and I've got some important investors coming to the hospital this week. I'm not even barely ready for them."

"Lisa, it's your father's 75th birthday. He'd like you to be there." Cuddy heard the desperation in her mother's voice and winced.

"Mum, I already said I'm sorry but I just can't this week and…it's not like he's even going to notice I'm not there," Cuddy muttered the last part just loud enough for her mother to hear.

"Lisa, your father loves you! I hope you at least make an effort to come. It's about time you realised that you have family who love and miss you and not spend all your time with your work! It's all you've been doing since you became Dean last year!"

Cuddy flinched, suddenly remembering past ghosts. "I'll try my best to be there mother,"

Later in the week she glances up from her desk as the clock strikes 12am. "Happy birthday dad" she whispers into her office before opening another stack of reports.

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_#4_

Cuddy stares at the IVF pamphlets in her hands. She wants a baby. But a baby means change and she's not sure if she can handle that.

House bursts into her office loudly complaining about the stupidity of clinic patients. She sighs and quickly stuffs the pamphlet into her drawer.

"House, when I hired you I made it completely clear that clinic duty was to be a part of your job," she says as patiently as she can. She's still figuring out the best way to manage him. After all she's only been his boss for a year and a lot has happened since they knew each other at Michigan.

"But," House whines, a horribly fake puppy-dog look in his eyes, "I didn't think you were _serious_"

Cuddy sighs again, exasperated now. "Why wouldn't I be? House, go away and go do your job. I have work to do."

"Yeah, I bet those_ non-_medical documents won't be getting signed without your help," he says cuttingly before walking out, making it the third time this week that he has shown his disdain for her shift from medicine to administration.

Cuddy lets out a breath and looks down at the transcripts of the latest budget proposal, all of a sudden not really sure how she got to this point in her life all.

She opens the drawer, pulls out the pamphlets and hesitates for a moment before throwing them into the trash.

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_#5_

She almost came close there. She almost had it all.

But now Joy is gone from her life and House has left her mind in an even greater turmoil. She doesn't know what to think, what to do, how to _breathe_.

She can still taste him on her lips. She doesn't know if she's happy or upset that he left her with all a "Goodnight."

Maybe she wanted him to take advantage of her. Maybe then she would have at least experienced something other than this mind-numbing pain that is closing around her heart.

She wants something. Anything.

She wants her daughter back.

_You can't always get what you want_

She hears the voice in her head replay what House told her all those years back and she dissolves into tears again.

Maybe it's time for a change.

But just…not yet. She's not ready.

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_And the one time she did..._

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She's never been one for change.

Rules are set and meant to be lived by. Schedules are made and supposed to be followed.

Hearts aren't meant to be followed because they just lead to hurt and disappointment.

But as she turns around in her bed and feels the warm press of a body along her side she can't help but wonder. House shifts, throwing his arm loosely around her waist as he slumbers on and she takes a moment to gaze at his face, contemplating the strangely light feeling within her.

It's not going to be perfect, they never are. But as she feels the warmth of his fingers against her nightshirt seeping through into her skin and the sudden happy gurgling noises that Rachel is making from the other room a small smile kicks at her lips.

Maybe just maybe…not all change is bad.

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**A/N: Reviews make the fanfiction world spin around. I'd love to know what you thought. :)**


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